Journey to peace- Manage emotions

Confused robot

From the day we are born, we are individuals. Our unique genetics and environment shape us into who we become. We have unique desires, wants, and needs. In our early years, these wants and needs are satisfied by our primary caregivers either through anticipatory caring or reacting to our primitive signals of distress. Our biological needs help us maintain the homeostasis necessary for our bodies to survive and thrive. In addition to these biological needs, we have emotional needs that, when satisfied, help us grow to be securely attached, self-reliant human beings. As we age, these wants, needs, and desires still exist, but our emotional and psychological coping mechanisms change. The responsibility for managing our emotional needs moves from a shared relationship with our caregivers to individualistic self-governance. Therefore, it is imperative that we develop the skills to be able to manage our emotions.

Below is a list of things you can do to improve your emotional and psychological management:

Know what you want

It seems obvious that we should know what we want, but in reality, knowing what we want can be difficult. Most of our lives involve routines with few opportunities to reflect on our actions. It can also be a challenge to separate our individual desires from those of our groups (e.g., friends, work colleagues, race, and nationality). Not knowing what we want can lead to the dilemma of being unhappy without understanding why. Finding happiness when we do not know who we are or what we want is a fruitless task. The first task on the journey towards happiness is knowing what we want, value, and believe in. Once we know more about ourselves and what will make us happy, we can work on improving ourselves. Furthermore, it is important to acknowledge that as we change, our ideas, beliefs, and values change. Therefore, regular reflection should be an essential component of learning about ourselves, which will prevent us from chasing an old/unfamiliar conception of our good life.

Focus on the journey, not the destination

As explained, our conceptions of good and happiness will change throughout our lives. Therefore, only focusing on the outcomes of these ever-changing goals will not provide the enrichment necessary for long-term happiness. We must find enjoyment in the process and journey, as this will be the preoccupation of most of our lives.

Acknowledge the variety of states of being

The dichotomies of happy and sad, successful and unsuccessful, rich and poor can be unhelpful ways of thinking about our lives. Simplistic binary distinctions rob us of the value in the details and all too often are determined by unrealistic or uninformed comparisons. An acknowledgement of a myriad of states of being and a reduction in the use of labels can lead to more insightful opinions about our well-being and lives.

Accept inconsistency

When embarking on reflective practices, goal setting, and emotional & psychological management, it is important that we do not fall into the trap of aiming for perfection or consistency. Despite our best intentions, we must accept that as humans, we are unable to always follow our rules, beliefs, and values. Most of us have conflicting values, which makes consistent actions unrealistic. For example, we may believe strongly that we should be honest, but we may also believe that we should be kind. When deciding whether to be honest or spare someone's feelings by being kind, we must choose between these two beliefs. In addition to conflicting values, most of our decisions are made on a case-by-case basis and are influenced by the environment and circumstances in which they take place. Therefore, the idea that we can be consistent in an inconsistent world is an unrealistic one. This does not excuse blatant acts of deceit and dishonesty, but it should relieve the pressure of a loss of identity if you feel you may act against your beliefs.

Take time to reflect

As has been the theme in all of the other points, we live in a world of perpetual motion. From the spinning of the Earth on its axis to the pumping of our hearts in our chests, very few things are completely static. This includes our beliefs, values, goals, thoughts, and identity. Reflection acts as a point of reset and recalibration. Reflection is an integral component of any happy life, as it provides the basis for us to make the best decisions for our present selves.

Managing emotions is difficult but with the advice in this post and perseverance you're well on you way to achieving it. Thanks for reading and get in touch. You can book a free 15 min chat with a trainer or send us an email at info@senschen.com.